


Selina steals a Ladybug to get herself a Kitten.

by crazyjc



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Dick makes a powerpoint, Kleptomaniac Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, MariBat, NOW WITH PART TWO, adrien is adopted, also bronywn for encouraging me, batdad interupted by catmom, blame tumblr for this, forgot that one like a genius, momsquad adopts him, no betas we die like men, unedited, why not?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:34:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25761427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazyjc/pseuds/crazyjc
Summary: Selina heard about the new Wayne rumor, and knew they were off. But that doesn't mean she isn't entitled to meet the new girl hanging around her batboys. She may not be their mother (officially) but she still has to look out for them.
Comments: 35
Kudos: 704





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> blame this post here for this thing's inspiration, and Bronywn for encouraging this.  
> https://artxyra.tumblr.com/post/625751022949826560/dick-pointing-to-a-powerpoint-slide-mari-must

Selina paused when she saw ‘the lost Wayne’ news. She knew Bruce didn’t adopt another kid and forget to tell her—Dick kept her up-to-date on his new siblings and sent her pictures. No, her boyfriend Bruce Wayne would certainly not hide a new Wayne from her.

He absolutely would forget to introduce her to a new family friend or potential bat. She was still upset about how long it took him to admit that little Stephanie had been working with his son for months and he hadn’t thought to invite the girl over for a meal or two when Selina was over. It wasn’t like she didn’t already know Tim was dating another vigilante… it was that one of her not-technically-my-sons was not introducing her to someone who had saved his life multiple times and who happened to be another Gotham vigilante and another addition to the batfam.

Selina is their unofficial mother after all, she has rights. Any possible members of their little bat family, and she must assess them. at the very least, teach them more than just Bruce’s habits. The man was horrendous at showing his actual emotions, and the kids would need a counter example to that—herself obviously.

So imagine Selina’s surprise when she decided to surprise her boyfriend and his children with a visit, only to find a young teen drinking out of Tim’s favorite mug, wearing one of Dick’s more infamous Nightwing hoodie’s, and looking at one of Damian’s katana’s carefully.

“Who are you?” Selina had a feeling this was the latest “not a Wayne” and she would have to ensure her bats were safe from a fellow thief… again.

The teen looked up, almost startled by her appearance and nearly dropping the katana.

Selina raised an eyebrow.

The teen flushed. “Marinette.”

“And what,” Selina strolled over to the table and sat on its edge. “Exactly are you doing with all of these?”

The girl was smart enough to look a bit embarrassed, she'd give her that much. Not without shame. Good.

“Well, uh, kind of complicated, but, uh, the boys said that I couldn’t manage to grab their favorite things.”

Selina looked the girl over. She was probably the new one to the group, the spotted French girl Jagged Stone mentioned in a few of his songs. She was young, and clearly good at getting what she wanted.

“Where’s Jason’s?”

“Uh, how did you…”

“Answer the question.”

“… behind the gardener’s shed. He really needs to stop leaving his keys in easy access pockets.”

Selina nodded, looking over the girl. She was twisting a familiar looking ring… wasn’t that one of the Wayne family rings!?

“How did you get that off Bruce?” Selina feigned nonchalance. 

“… don’t judge me.”

“Too late. Talk.”

“Accidentally, I swear, just, he left the safe open and mid-terms stress and then…” the girl gestured helplessly.

Selina could appreciate the honesty. She could also appreciate that the girl managed to get something off each boy.

But now came the real test.

“Kleptomaniac kind?”

The girl flushed harder. “Yeah… I was going to return it, eventually… I think.”

Selina looked over the girl once more, suddenly seeing an opportunity she should have taken back when she first saw Tim stalking her bats way back when. She could use her own mini.

“How do you feel about cats?”

Marinette shifted gears at that. “Real, memes, or Chat Noir?” Selina could feel there was a story there, one for another time. “If we’re talking real, they’re amazing, the memes are fun and Chat is…” the girl shook her head. “Complicated. And in London apparently, so he can’t judge me for my poor life choices.”

Oh, Selina likes this one. “I’m guessing you’re Brucie’s latest pet project?”

Marinette scrunched up her face at that. “I’m here to force a sense of fashion on this family if it kills me.”

Selina smiled at that. “Oh, I do believe we’re going to get along wonderfully.” She extended her hand. “I go by Catwoman in the field.”

Marinette paused for a moment before taking the extended hand with a grin of her own. “Ladybug—though we might want to go with something else for this... how do you feel about panjas bracelets?”

Selina’s grin grew. “Oh, we’re going to get along perfectly.”

* * *

In the Batcave there was a meeting being held by a distressed Nightwing, impatiently waiting for the others to finish arriving.

“Batgirl?”

“She’s not on tonight,” Red Robin answered, quietly sipping his espresso in one of his lesser mugs. It seems like his bean got to his favorite earlier…

“Black Bat?” Nightwing asked Batman.

“She’s running with the Birds of Prey tonight—Oracle’s idea.”

Nightwing seemed to accept this. “I’ll just forward them the power point.”

Red Robin groaned. “Another one?”

Red Hood shook his head. “Blame B. He got it in Dickie’s head that this is how you explain things to people. Bullet points.”

“No names in the field,” Robin snapped.

“No names in the field,” Red Hood mocked under his breath.

Robin glared at him for that.

“It’s a very effective method.” Batman stated defensively.

“Yeah, on the League,” Red Robin grumbled into his coffee. The Batfam is full of (not really) professional detectives—they are capable of understanding without the bullet points of doom. Mostly.

“Then I’ll just get started, Agent A, Lights!”

The batcave dimmed to show only the projection of a power point title slide ‘Marinette Cannot Meet Selina, Ever.’

“What the hell is this?” whispered Red Hood.

“I allowed you to delay patrol, for this?” Batman sighed.

“Silence! Nightwing is speaking.”

“Thank you Robin, now, Marinette is under no circumstances to meet Selina.”

“Why doesn’t he have to use codenames?” Red Hood wondered aloud. Only to be kicked by an aggressive Robin. “Ow! What the hell demon spawn!”

“Silence,” Robin hissed.

“As I Was Saying,” Nightwing loudly began. “Marinette is not allowed to meet Selina. It would be a disaster for us all.”

“Its not she’d adopt her like a certain someone is trying to,” Red Hood stated, pointedly ignoring Robin’s attempts to silence him with threats of violence.

Nightwing changed the slide with a sigh. “Exhibit A: Marinette enjoys shiny things, and so does Selina.”

The slide showed two pictures, one of Marinette in various miraculous while holding one of Damian’s daggers, and the other of Selina with a very large gemstone necklace.

“Exhibit B, they are both prone to theft.”

The next slide showed Catwoman stealing a necklace from a museum, and Marinette in Batman’s cape while using Tim’s phone and wearing one of Jason’s leather jackets, Titus laying at her feet.

“Marinette does not stop at shiny things, as we can expect of Selina,” Robin explained.

“You’re just mad Pixie managed to get past your security.”

Robin glared at Red Hood.

“That doesn’t explain why bean shouldn’t meet Selina,” Red Robin said. “Hm, maybe I should change the bean blend again? not getting enough of a buzz.”

Nightwing sighed, changing the slide again. “If the two meet, we lose all we hold dear.”

This time the slide showed a photoshopped Marinette and Selina sitting on a pile of miscellaneous objects.

Batman sighed, deciding his eldest was just being overdramatic again.

“Mari will learn new tricks from Selina.” Nightwing stated slowly. “Tag team with Selina, maybe even be the Robin to her Batman.” That got the room’s attention, albeit not the kind Nightwing wanted. “It would not just be Mari’s minor thefts anymore.”

Red Robin rolled his eyes while Red Hood snorted a “yeah right.”

Robin looked nervously as Nightwing finished his powerpoint.

“Mari would rule Gotham and no one, not even us, would be able to stop her.”

Batman decided that they wasted enough time on Nightwing’s bout of paranoia. “I highly doubt Selina would corrupt her.”

At that moment a beaming striped heroine walked in, wearing a new string of necklaces, with Catwoman at her side with an amused look of her own.

“How dare you try to hide a kitten from me.”

Nightwing threw his hands up. “I told you!”

Batman stared while Robin began checking their systems… no alarms had gone off anywhere and they all knew the pair had stolen the necklaces that Marinette was sporting.

Nightwing was right. 

“Holy shit is this really happening?” Red Robin half-whispered, looking back and forth between the pair and a shocked Batman. “Is Catmom pulling a Batdad?”

Catwoman flashed a smile. “Since someone wouldn’t let me take any birdies, I decided to take a kitten of my own.”

“Why didn’t you tell me I could have more moms here!” Marinette exclaimed.

At the groups growing look of horror, Catwoman’s grin grew. “Oh, I forgot to mention, Harley and Ivy are back. They want joint custody. She’s the Marigold Harley’s been tweeting about.”


	2. Part 2, Adding Adrien

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You can thank Randa1 for the second part, since i really liked the comment.

Catwoman was delighted by the chaos wrecked by her little kitten. They even agreed on a name for her in the field that wasn’t associated with her magic jewlry (that Catwoman would peruse at a later date and possibly argue with her earrings. Children should not be in charge of the fate of the universe, no matter how capable. Catwoman had bones to pick).

Tabby Cat. 

And her Tabby has a French-British kitten also in need of a mother. Who was coming to Gotham. Catwoman was picking him up at the portal location.

An ape of a man in a brown suit came in first. Catwoman did a double take—as that is in no way who her kitten described. Just who is her little kitten’s kitten? She doubts its this one, and would like to meet this child. And know who this… person with them is.

Then her Tabby Cat squealed as a blonde in black stepped in with a tired grin.

“M’lady!”

“Chatton!” Tabby Cat launched herself at him, portal closed and an annoyed ‘kwami’ looking for sugar cubes demanded Catwoman’s attention. The ape-man beat her to it—a small box of sugar cubes were gone in a moment.

“New look.” Chat Noir noted, taking in her kitten with a growing grin of his own. “So, are you my copycat now?”

Catwoman shook her head as her kitten groaned. “No, no puns.”

“All the puns m’lady. All. Of. The. Pun.”

Her kitten huffed, grabbing him by the hand. “C’mon Chatton, I have to introduce you to my other moms.”

“You have a mom already—and a dad that isn’t a terrorist. How many more parents do you need?” Chat shook his head.

Catwoman decided that warranted a conversation in and of itself.

“You have Cheval, he’s totally a dad.”

The ape-man agreed.

“But no mom.”

Her kitten frowned. “I thought your cousin was sharing.”

“He’s… I love him but he’s never been good at sharing. Before I moved to Paris he wasn’t even big on letting me make friends he didn’t approve of.”

“You got conned how many times when I wasn’t looking out for you?”

“Oh my—it was one time!”

“You made a deal with a devil.”

“I was dumb, it was middle school, and in my defense I wasn’t even allowed to talk to more than our failed bee and my cousin growing up if there wasn’t a chaperone Father approved of watching us the whole time.”

“That is very sad and all, but you are not helping your case. You need someone watching your back because you never learned how to spot trouble—you just run headfirst into it and embrace it.”

“Name one time.”

“I have half a decade’s worth of proof. And a decent chunk is still up on the ladyblog.”

“I thought she deleted that!”

“Nope,” her kitten popped her p as she leaned forward. “Not at all. There’s even complications of your worst calls. It has almost a million views now.”

“Why, just why?” Chat groaned.

“Do you want me to point it out, or lie to you?”

“Lie please.”

“You’re too pretty, this is karma’s payback for being a blonde and knowing you’re a pretty boy just enough to skip out of class and not get asked questions, but not so often that the teachers noticed.”

“Damnit,” Chat flung himself back dramatically. “I should have been more of a rule abider.”

Catwoman took that as her cue. “Given your company, its perfectly fine not to. Tabby’s getting into the habit of selectively ignoring them.”

Her kitten beamed at her. “This is Chat Noir, my old partner. Chat, this is my new thief mom, Catwoman. Cheval is Chat’s legal guardian.”

Cheval nodded.

“He’s mute.”

Catwoman nodded, quick to sign “hello, you can call me Catwoman. How was London?”

The corners of Cheval’s mouth turned up. “My son is still adjusting to everything. How much as (Marinette) told you?”

Catwoman shrugged. “Not much. Mostly that her best friend is in London and that its complicated.”

Cheval nodded in agreement. “Things in Paris got bad. He wasn’t welcome anymore, and he lost his parents, one way or another.”

Catwoman’s eyes softened at that. She’s be taking a second kitten. Bruce would live with it.

“Are you okay staying with me (Marinette) and my friends?”

“As long as its no imposition.”

Catwoman shook her head. “Its no bother at all.”

When she turned her head, Tabby was being chased by Chat Noir, yelling something about getting the drop on the birdbrains…

\----

Marinette was grinning a little too hard when she and Adrien settled into their hiding spot. Tim would be coming by with Damian and argue over who had this street on their patrol tonight (it was Cass’ but Marinette bribed her with a few sweets, and Stephanie with a chocolate waffle cake to stay silent. Babs knew, and was on-board for the two getting an ego adjustment).

She grinned as Robin began to swish his sword, and Red Robin was holding his thermos in one hand, and bo staff in the other.

“I told you this was on my route tonight.”

“Tt. Typical Red Robin, it was clearly marked as part of my route.”

“Robin, just go back to your usual route.”

“Red Robin, I will not slack on my—”

Marinette gestured for Chat to go after Tim (who is unfortunately taller than her like Chat) while she tackled Damian.

The pair shut up immediately. Red Robin flipped his attacker onto his back almost immediately. Robin stalled when he saw the stripped mask.

“Tabby!” Robin scowled at her as she got up with a her signature grin.

“What the—you’re supposed to be in London!” Red Robin exclaimed as he got off the teen. “I checked you passport.”

Chat grinned as Cheval thudded behind them.

“New dad, meet m’lady’s almost cousins.”

Cheval looked over the two vigilantes, and raised an eyebrow.

“I’m thirty percent sure that’s his ‘I am not even surprised that this involves people m’lady knows’ look,” Chat translated.

Cheval grunted at that, quick to grab Chat and Tabby-Cat.

“Yes, we have other things we could be doing, but do we want to? That is the real question.”

On the rooftop Selina shook her head. She wonders how Harley and Ivy will feel about the second addition?

\--

Harley squealed when Marigold dropped her transformation with the blond and the guy that refused to go by anything other than Gorilla. Why?

The blond got embarrassed as he explained. “I asked if he was a gorilla when I met him as kid, and he said yes. He won’t let anyone tell us his real name.”

Harley cooed over that.

Ivy was less impressed, more focused on checking over Marigold and determining Gorilla’s threat level to their girl.

Which stopped a week in when Gorilla aggressively refused to let a creep get close to any of the women, glared at anyone wolf whistling, and kept both kids in arm’s reach any time they decided to leave the apartment without adult supervision—especially at night.

It may have helped that Ivy caught him tucking in the pair after passing out during a videogame marathon that went on two days. Apparently being co-champions of Ultra Mecha Strike III back home meant they had to go head-to-head if they were apart for more than a week. This time they’d been apart for almost six months since defeating Hawkmoth.

It didn’t take much for Ivy to adopt the boy when Selina wasn’t looking—he’s into science and has been using his funds help areas struggling to maintain electric use environmentally appropriate green energy, and bought out multiple coal powered-plants and retrofitting them for other forms of energy, based on the area.

Harley was quick to take to running the boy around town when Marigold was too focused on a project (workaholic just like her Ivy) and needed to blow off some steam.

Annoying the bat boys was just a bonus. Dickie wasn’t even mad when he saw the blond with her.

\--

Selina shook her head as the chat she had with the batfamily began to explode.

Spiritual Successor: Is this going to be a thing now?

Selina smirked as she sent a picture of Marinette and Adrien on the couch playing Ultra Mecha Strike III while screaming at the screen, Gorilla in the Kitchen with Harley while Ivy checked over a plant on the counter.

Spiritual Successor: Is this because we didn’t let you keep Timmy back then?

Street Smart, Shakespeare Slut: I’m pretty sure this is payback for interrupting B’s last three proposals.

Katana Kid: His plan was horrendous and she can do better

World’s Most Questionable Detective: I am part of this group chat.

Waffles McGee: Its true tho

Best Bat: (insert point up emoji here)

Street Smart, Shakespeare Slut: Got it in one eggplant

The C is for Coffee: she is too good for you.

The C is for Coffee: Can we get bean back yet?

Feline Fine: No.

Feline Fine: She is my daughter now.

Spiritual Son: We found her first!

Street Smart, Shakespeare Slut: Don’t punish us for B being an idiot

World’s Most Questionable Detective: I am right here.

Feline Fine: She has a brother now, I refuse to separate them.

Selina sent a picture of Marinette and Adrien eating crepes together, Marinette flinging a dark colored spread (presumable Nutella) covered knife at a laughing Adrien.

Feline Fine: Paris doesn’t want him, and his family is a mess.

Feline Fine: His father already agreed to joint custody with my girls.

Selina sent a picture of Gorilla, Harley and Ivy overlooking something at the table. Possibly a custody agreement, possibly a mystery stain. Who knew?

The C is for Coffee: B you done fucked up

Waffles McGee: Oh, when do I get to meet him?

Best Bat: baby brother?

Feline Fine: My newest kitten

C is for Coffee: Please don’t revenge adopt more children

C is for Coffee: please

C is for Coffee: This family is ridiculous enough as is. Rah’s is already part of it. Rahs.

Katana Kid: I don’t talk to Grandfather anymore.

C is for Coffee: We have a cult leader in this family Selina.

C is for Coffee: We need to stop bringing more kids into it

Street Smart, Shakespeare Slut: And so far we have three bat boys cult crazy got to out of four. Not good odds for the new kitten.

Queen Of Blackmail, Bow to My Greatness: That’s because batgirls are better than robins. We only date them during our dumb phase. Stephanie is still outgrowing hers.

Best Bat: ???

Spiritual Successor: Will I ever live those mistakes down?

C is for Coffee: nope.

Best Bat: no

Street Smart, Shakespeare Slut: Not even in the next life

Waffles McGee: Nooope

World’s Most Questionable Detective: No.

Queen Of Blackmail, Bow to My Greatness: Never.

Feline Fine: not likely birdie.

Kitten Thief in Training: Your fashion mistakes were passed down, you will pay for your sins long after eternity has ended.

Selina raised an eyebrow, finding Marinette and Adrien whispering to one another over her phone.

“Kittens.” Selina sat up straight, smothering her own smile. She needed to be serious. For a moment any way.

“He started it!”

“She started it!”

“Just add your brother in, so everyone knows who’s really saying what.”

Kitten Thief in Training adds Cuddle Starved Kitty to the group chat.

Kitten Thief in Training: Mom said I could

Cuddle Starved Kitten: You cannot get anymore moms. You have four now.

Street Smart Shakespeare Slut: that’s not that many

C is for Coffee: that is a lot of moms.

Cuddle Starved Kitten: She also has a lot of mentors. Like How? What are your secrets?

Kitten Thief in Training: Pure Dumb Luck for first meetings. Every time.

Cuddle Starved Kitten: …can I borrow Tikki?

Kitten Thief in Training: nope. Fought too long to keep her from one crazy, will not give her to the guy who thought ignoring rumors and ignoring lies that affect people were the same thing

Cuddle Starved Kitten: I am already haunted by a hundred failings every waking moment, why must you remind me of that fact?

C is for Coffee: What are they feeding you in London?

Street Smart Shakespeare Slut: either you discovered good writing, or you are stuck in hell. choose your response wisely.

Waffles McGee: So these mistakes. Dick level?

Spiritual Successor: hey!

Kitten Thief in Training: Not really, more like Tim on 80+ no sleep

C is for Coffee: so he tastes atoms.

Cuddle Starved Kitten: (Pointing up emoji) he scares me

Kitten Thief in Training: He’s the one the helped us

Cuddle Starved Kitten: so? He’s still scary.

C is for Coffee: Thank you, please explain this to my family who think otherwise.

Cuddle Starved Kitten: ? its fact. Water = Wet level fact. How do you explain that? Do they not feel?

Kitten Thief in Training: they pretend not to

Cuddle Starved Kitten: … which of you is lurking out our window?

Selina rolled her eyes when she saw Bruce there. With the boys. Not even in uniform.

“These two are mine now.”

“Selina, you have to let them go home at some point.”

“You were thinking of adopting them too, don’t even.”

“Do we get any say in this?”

“No.” Dick said.

“None,” Damian agreed.

“Nope.” Tim popped his ‘p’

“Na-da. Stole his tires and he grabbed me—crime is not a deterrent for him, I swear its an incentive,” Jason complained.

Cass nodded in agreement as she entered, gesturing for the other batkids to follow.

“Tim, Babs and me didn’t even hit the orphan requirement. Batfam adoption still happened.” Stephanie added as she ducked in, ignoring Bruce’s ‘Batdad stare of disapproval’ when she turned to Marinette and Adrien. “How’d you end up with Brucie in the first place anyway?”

Marinette rolled her eyes. “Maman and Papa said as long as I’m recovering and happy, they’re okay with me staying with any family friends. Jagged mentioned Gotham could be a good change of pace, and Duusuu wanted to see Alfred. Plus, Gina still checks in.” Marinette paused for a moment. “When she’s in the country.”

Adrien blinked slowly at Marinette, trying to process the difference in their parents’ way of raising them. “Why are your parents the cool ones?”

“Ladybugs are lucky, that’s why. Also I will kick your cousin’s butt if I get one more text from him demanding I return you.”

“He’s still on about that?” Adrien sighed.

“Your aunt said it was fine since Gorilla came too and is giving her updates. Oh, and she wants to do a videochat with the mom-squad at somepoint.”

“When is that,” Bruce and Dick asked, mentally sorting through what they would each be missing to attend.

“…You are not part of the mom-squad?” Marinette asked, glancing at Tim for confirmation. She was fairly certain Bruce is more Dad than Mom style parenting/mentoring, but Dick is more of a toss-up.

“He hangs out with them enough that he is almost.”

“Ah.” Marinette glanced at Bruce while he and Selina continued to ‘argue’ over if he was allowed at the mom-squad videochat. Dick was sulking over his exclusion with Damian refusing to overtly comfort him, but allowing him to pet one of Selina’s cats. Normally Damian would refuse to share, so this was a big thing for him.

“His closest claim is more or less adopted by a hoard of supermodels as a teen, so not really.”

Adrien nodded sagely. “They do adopt all non-creeps with a vengeance.”

“… should I be more worried about you?”

“Don’t worry Marigold,” Ivy smoothed over Marinette’s hair. “If anyone tries to hurt our Buttercup…”

Harley pulled Adrien close, her smile a bit too tight. “They won’t know what hit ‘em.”

“Pysch mom,” Adrien began. “Can we go do something else? Cat mom and Marinette’s not-cousin are still fighting.”

“I vote waffle time,” Stephanie declared.

END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this is as much as i could do on this idea.


	3. Mom Squad Meeting Results

Selina would like to go on record that Bruce and Dick were specifically not invited to this meeting, nor were they supposed to make it in person. And yet. And yet, here they were.

“Thanks for meeting with us on such short notice,” Bruce smiled at Amelie in a way that made Selina want to kick him under the table. She really isn’t a fan of mixing Bruce “Batdad” Wayne with his Brucie persona.

“No, thank you for helping out with Adrien—I know he’s been having a hard time adjusting after, well…” Amelie was having trouble finding the right phrasing for Adrien’s situation.

“Its our pleasure,” Selina cut in with ease.

“Kitten’s been nothin’ but a sweetie since he showed up,” Harley agreed.

Amelie nodded, glancing at Ivy and the group before returning her focus to Selina and Bruce. “I’m just sorry he didn’t inform me of how long he’d be staying with you and Marinette.”

“He’s welcome to stay as long as he likes,” Ivy answered coolly.

“Yes, but, well, this is,” Amelie gestured to the general area, all but saying ‘Gotham: the armpit of bad luck and open corrupt and rotting systems. “and I don’t think it’s good for him to keep imposing on you.”

Gorilla narrowed his eyes at that.

Dick tightened his smile in a way that was decidedly unnatural. “It’s no imposition, if anything, its more watching Dad and Selina argue over who get custody of him, Marinette and Gorilla every week.”

Gorilla nodded in confirmation as yes, that was a regular argument.

“And speaking of Marinette, are you sure she’s, well…” Amelie wasn’t certain how to tell the billionaire his cousin had been in a scandal with Adrien in the past. Or her past crush. And how uncomfortable Amelie was with how Adrien seemed to gravitate to her above all else.

“Marigold is a wonderful influence on Sunshine,” Ivy cut in once more. “The two do better around each other.”

“Well, perhaps I should see that for myself… Would it be okay if I send my son to make sure she’s up?”

\--

Marinette would like to note, for the record, she did not cause any of the following events. Was her meeting Selina a possible butterfly affect to the current situation? Perhaps… however. She wanted it on the record that she is, under no circumstances, responsible for the actions of the mom-squad.

She is, however, responsible for decking one Felix de Vanily… though she did warn him if he kept it up, she would punch him.

She got the video of him scoffing “As if some little fashion designer is capable of a proper punch.”

In her defense… Felix did barge into her house, wake her up after she Just Fell Asleep and demand Adrien back when he was out with his Dad, not Step-Dad Bruce.

“I, you!”

It was at that moment the (Technically expected) mom-squad plus surprise Bruce and Dick chose to come home.

The adults looked between a groggy, squinting Marinette and Felix holding his cheek in absolute silence.

“I can’t believe I missed it!” Adrien groaned, throwing his hands in the air.

“Why is the British gremlin here,” Marinette grumbled, still rubbing her eyes. “We already have the angry gremlin quota exceeded between Jay and Dami.”

Felix was scrambled away from her as she moved into the kitchen, ignoring the brewing war between the adults as…

“She hit my son!” Amelie exclaimed, checking over a shocked Felix.

“Oh that? Marinette’s been telling him if he keeps pushing her for the last week and a half that she’ll punch him. I have the texts to prove it,” Adrien shrugged off. “I just can’t believe I missed it. Worst luck ever.

“The donor is proof of that,” Marinette grumbled from the kitchen, currently in search of something to eat. Or drink. She hadn’t quite decided yet.

“Uh, Mare-bear?” Dick tried, waving a hand in her face only to get a vague grunt in response. “I’m pretty sure she’s not functional yet.”

“Mari dear,” Selina began patently “when did you go to sleep and when did you get up?”

Marinette quietly downed one of the sports drinks her and Adrien argued on keeping on hand for just such occasions of grogginess.

“mh, wha’ time iz it?” Marinette blearly looked at the clock before giving up. “Five minutes ago, and I just finished my project…uh, sun was up pretty high by then. So…” Marinette looked out the window with a wince. “Maybe fifteen minutes ago?”

Adrien rolled his eyes. “I told you to go to sleep.”

“Emergency commission—a show-up-the-ass-hole type thing that I had to get done ASAP.”

“Marinette,” Bruce used That Tone of Batdad that recked of hypocritical health lectures.

“Plus, nightmares were pre, pretty bad when I tried last night so…”

Adrien frowned at that, quick to shoo the others as this? His territory. “Hawkmoth?”

“Mob found you while I was captured by Were-dad in combat with Evillustrator. If I tired to escape the mob got weapons, if I stayed put more people were akumatized and dying. And for some reason a lot of missed deadlines dooming people.”

“…I really hate Gabriel, more than usual.”

“Can I go back to sleep now? Its not too quiet”

“You decked Felix, you are my hero. If you wanted me to make vibranium real right now, I’d probably just steal the ginger Lantern’s ring.”

Marinette scowled at that. “Prick.”

“Now go sleep so you can knock out any more pricks with words and fists.”

Marinette nodded at that, before wandering off to sleep.

Adrien was quick to follow after her, shaking his head and grabbing a book and checking his phone before noticing the eyes on him.

Amelie and Felix were staring.

Adrien merely turned to look at them with a raised eyebrow. “What? She helps me with my night terrors, and I help her with nightmares.”

“Are you two a little,” Amelie struggled to find the right way to say ‘too close’ without setting anyone off.

“…Aunt Amelie, we’re both Akuma Class survivors; everyone in our class is like this with each other. Its called shared traumatic experiences means you get really close and watch out for each other.”

Amelie didn’t comment further. Felix would like to call his cousin crazy for getting along well with the violent designer.

\--

Post-Well Rested Marinette found Adrien reading in her chair. Once more functional (re: awake) she managed to grab a change of clothes and head off for a shower. Post-shower, Adrien was in the kitchen with… Amelie and a bruised Felix.

“…do I even want to know what happened?”

“Felix woke you up after you fell asleep.”

“Ah.” Marinette turned to Felix. “Bad move, ninety three percent of my self restraint is gone if I don’t sleep.”

“I missed it though!”

“… why do you want to see me punch your cousin?”

“You spar with yours.”

“And? They know what they’re getting themselves into if they awaken Mari-Kraken before she’s ready. I hit a maybe-innocent agitator-tot.”

“Its Felix.”

“I said maybe.”

Amelie was about to talk, only for Marinette to move to take over the kitchen. “Anyways, its what, dinner prep time now?”

“Yep. Our night to cook.”

“You picked the dish for me to teach you, right?”

“Yep, baked ziti with stuffed clams.”

“cool, lets get started on that.”

Before Amelie or Felix could try to interject, Adrien sprung up at Marinette’s side and began grabbing the ingredients she listed off absently while getting pots ready.

“I still have our dinner roll dough from last week.”

“do you see why we make extra to freeze now?”

“I do oh Grand Master Marinette.”

“… Crap. Are my cousins showing up too?”

“I already fixed the proportion sizes for them.”

“Favorite brother.”

“I am the prettiest,” Adrien grinned.

“No, no,” Marinette moved the pot to the burner while Adrien let the dough defrost. “that title goes to Dick, along with the most atrocious fashion choices. He is not living down the mullet.”

“Please tell me you have pictures.”

“You can thank the Queen of Blackmail for these,” Marinette stated while passing her phone to a cackling Adrien.

“I love our not-siblings.”

“If only a Certain Someone would manage to do something to change that status.”

Stephanie walked in then, looking over their dinner preparation while interrupting with “It’s a group effort to save her from her own dumb impulse decisions. She can do much better than Bruce.”

Adrien hummed, grabbing the bag she had and looking over its contents. “You’re in charge of waffle cake if you want it.”

“I do, and I am a capable adult.”

Marinette and Adrien exchanged look.

“You choose to involve yourself with our not-family,” Adrien pointed out as he grabbed Stephanie’s ingredients, bowl and measuring cups while she warmed up the waffle iron. “And you know how they can be.”

Stephanie shrugged. “Cass and Babs are undeniably fabulous, and Tim is my best friend. I made the mistake of being within Bruce’s ‘emotional adoption’ range, but that ship sailed forever ago for you too.”

Marinette made an affirmative sound as she put in her oil before passing Stephanie the spray. “what kind of toppings today?”

“I’m thinking since we’re going all-in on devil’s food cake, quick whipped ganache if you have the cream.”

Adrien scoffed at that as “if we have the cream—there are how many cats here? Of course we do.” Adrien rolled his eyes as he went into the fridge. “honestly, if we have the cream, what do you take us for—newbies?” he asked while passing it to her.

“Thanks, and you, yes. Not-Mom and Mar-Mar? Nope. Hardened professionals in the arts of pet raising and baking respectfully.”

“Hey!”

“He’s nearly level two chef. Baker, eh.”

“Betrayed in my own house.”

“Sorry.”

“By my own emotional-sister.”

“Someone had to do the adopting,” Marinette pointed out while side eyeing Felix as yes, he messed up and she is not returning Adrien now. “And apparently I’m the only responsible one.”

“You threw a shoe at an akuma and called them a reject janky webite.”

“And they were.” Marinette declared while putting in a touch of salt. “Besides, they were brainwashed so it doesn’t count.”

“Like the time you fake dated Evillutstator to help Chat capture the guy?”

“And the time you let That Liar kidnap you so the Miraculous Team could track her and find Hawkbit’s hideout.”

“I’m sorry, he let himself be kidnapped?” Stephanie interjected. “Like, that happened?”

Adrien shrugged while he readied the bowl of chocolate chips with a wooden spoon next to it and put the cream on. “I mean, I took the tracker. It was fifty-fifty if it was me or Marinette she’d go after since well…”

Marinette bumped her elbow into his side. “Long story short, refusing to be akumatized for us meant Hawkybit decided we were both on the top of his kidnapping list in a lot of attacks.”

“Team hide-and-seek did win,” Adrien smiled, stirring the cream gently.

“… I’m going on record, I have mentally adopted you both now.”

“As your kids or like,” Adrien glanced away from the cream for a moment. “Littles?”

“Yes.”

“I mean, you do need all the support.” Marinette pointed out evenly, unsubtly glaring at the bruised Felix and silent Amelie.

“…You watched how many people you love get brainwashed again?”

“If Bruce gets to repress his traumas for most of his life, I retain the right to unpack that part of Paris Trauma Drama in like, maybe a few months at the earliest.”

“Why are we using B as the standard?” Jason asked, tapping on the window to come in.

“Can’t you use the door like a person?”

“I am a zombie.”

“Door, now Adam Frankenstien,” Marinette ordered as her water got to the right boil and she put in her pasta.

“About how much batter per do you think?” Stephanie asked absent mindedly.

“Leave like,” Marinette bobbed her head side to side in thought. “three inches all sides for that size.”

Adrien poured the boiling cream into a bowl and stirred vigorously. “Let this cool, then fridge?”

Marinette looked over a him. “Yeah.”

“First one a success! Fear my waffle might!” Stephanie declared as her first cake came out right.

“Nice!” Adrien grinned.

Marinette looked at the batter left and the size of the waffle. “There are going to be so many layers… How much ganache did you make?”

“About three cups, should whip up to four,” Adrien explained.

“Hit it with the whisks, we can get it higher than that for leftovers.”

“Got it.”

“Did anyone prep the clam shells?” Marinette asked as she moved to drain the pasta.

“Alfred save you all the time and effort there,” Jason said as he waltzed right in, quick to take over another part of the counter. “I’ll handle the mix with blond wonder.”

“Good thing I was doing cheese ziti anyways.”

“What do you have against meat?”

“We do need to feed Damian.”

“… he’s vegan, just give up.”

“No, we negotiated to vegetarian in the cases of ethical animals treatment for animal products like cheese—in cases that’s unclear, then he just says he’s vegan.”

“That little—” Jason cut himself off, chopping his vegetables more aggressively.

Dick wandered in at some point, and took to handling the dishes and letting the chefs know when the others would be arriving. Apparently Bruce wanted to grab a few things to make the Brits more comfortable with dessert.

Marinette popped her ziti in first, followed by Jason and Adrien with the clams. Adrien finished whipping the ganache before it was time to put in the rolls.

Damian waltzed in, looked at Felix for one moment before scoffing as “her punches aren’t even _that_ good if you know how to dodge” before moving to hover at Stephanie’s side as co-decorator and demanding room be left for the strawberries he found to be added before serving.

Cass slipped in with ease, drying dishes whil Dick to put away and Jason got the table ready.

Amelie watched all this closely, noting that one chair was taken out and about to ask until Babs rolled up and over.

A few minutes later Bruce came in with the official Mom squad and Alfred, who was looking over the kids’ work with a critical eye at the table and minor mess in the kitchen area.

“I presume Master Dick was forbidden from helping again?”

Damian tutted at that, working on the finishing touches to the tall wafflestack as Dick groaned while taking everything out of the oven. “I am able to cook _now_ Alfred.”

“I have seen the mess that occurs whenever you are left to cook.”

“Its not a mess, just a different organization system.”

“Not in my kitchen Master Dick.”

“Or mine.” Marinette agreed while checking the dishes for doneness with Jason hovering and answering Adrien’s questions.

“Am I still—” Bruce began.

“Banned for life,” Marinette stated. “You can’t even do laundry without over-sudding everything.”

“Really Brucie?” Harley sighed. “Still? You’da think after college you woulda learned by now.”

“One would hope,” Alfred agreed. “But be sorely disappointed.”

“Wait, Not-Dad is worse than me? Hooray for comparative competence!” Adrien whooped.

“Wait, who are we missing?” Marinette murmured as she did her head count. “We’re short two.”

“Gorilla and Tim will be here in ten minutes,” Bruce answered. “They got caught up in traffic. Oh and Amelie, I heard this was popular back in London for desserts.” Bruce handed her a small bakery box with a few slices of banoffee pie in it. “just in case you weren’t a fan of whatever Stephanie and Marinette came up with this time.”

“My waffle cakes are wonderful,” Stephanie declared. “You’re just jealous Alfred lets me make them at the manor.”

“I helped this time!” Adrien grinned.

“O, whaddya do?” Harley asked eagerly, leaning forward.

“The ganache and I whipped it too!”

“I am the superior decorator,” Damian stated as he grabbed his plate and took from the ziti and bread, pointedly ignoring the clams.

“Really demon spawn?”

“Crabs are animals Todd.”

“For Christsake!”

“We’re here—really? You already started without me?”

“Damian started it.”

“Why am I not surprised.”

\--

Amelie let the “Mom Squad” (she was debating changing it to co-parenting group plus herself) know that she was willing to ceded her custody of Adrien on the condition that Gorilla keep Adrien involved in his current environment.

To no one’s surprise Stephanie and Babs declared Adrien a member of the “Bruce just said you’re one of his now, no legal documentation needed.”

And if Marinette messaged her parents asking if it was okay to stay with “Aunt Selina” and for them to visit when they could, well, it was better than catching Marinette mid-nightmare, flashback, or panic or anxiety attack with no cause they could discern. It was better to let her do what she needed than watch her suffer and be helpless.

And she’d been having significantly less since leaving Paris. Though they did worry about the new thief in Gotham, Chat Noir was there too. And Chat had always been sweet on Marinette, and quick to throw her out of harms’ way.

\--

When Bruce (finally successfully) managed to propose to Selina, everyone outside of the family expected her to move or leave her girlfriends and Gorilla in the apartment alone. What they were not expecting was for the Batfamily to now have (somewhat) allied with a reformed Harley and Ivy, while Catwoman’s kittens continued to torment their step-bats as much as they helped them.

Gotham adjusting to the pair openly using magic when Batman was off-world was another story as…

“That’s cheating!”

“You’re just my suit is faster to get on.”

“Magic is totally cheating—Help me out here guys!”

“I mean, no law against it so…”

“Betrayed, by my own family!”

“I don’t see Damian—Tabby, Chat, where did you two put him?”

“We didn’t—oh crap. You don’t think he—”

Robin ran past with a sword. A very specific sword.

“How the hell did he get into the box again!”

“…I would like to be sorry I doubted you, but I’ve met you two.”

“How the hell are we supposed to get it back this time?”

“How long until B realizes Robin is dabbling in magic again?”

“Oracle already knows, so more when he gets into earth data range.”

“I give it a week.”

“Its Batdad, give him three days from now, tops.”

“Tabby, should we…”

“… on a scale of one to ten, how mad would batdad be if we just. Stole him for our side?”

“You are not stealing my Robin.”

“Other bats, thoughts on Cats taking Robin custody?”

“Make sure to bring him back by curfew,” Spoiler said before running off with Black Bat.

“I’m too old for this. If Robin wants to break the unspoken no-magic rule, just let him. B’ll live,” Red Robin said on comms.

“I, for one, want to see how many baddies shit themselves over this.” Red Hood said with a bit too much glee. “Oracle, please forward the footage later.”

“Will do.”

“Is no one going to stop this but me?”

“Moms are on a girl’s night in Starr, what did you expect?”

“Why am I the responsible one now?” Nightwing groaned.

“You decided to butt into the Mom-Squad group chat. You made your bed; now lay in it. We have a new member of the cat-side to either corrupt or steal from you, haven't decided yet.”

"You can't steal him, he's already your brother???"

"I smell a challenge, and I accept."

"What did I do to deserve this?"

"Discowing atrocity and the mullet."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the end of this one i think. hopefully. 
> 
> you all now have Felix getting hit by Marinette. Enjoy.

**Author's Note:**

> first thing i do after getting real internet back plus have the time to think, and its write and post this.


End file.
